Sigh.....

"What if...." These two words have been haunting me lately. They've been scratching at the corners of my brain without relent. I always thought I would never be one to dwell on the past, but life has a way of surprising you. I have very few regrets about my life but the main one is the cause of this "what if" funk I am in. At the time, I was too young and ignorant to see the toll this mistake would have on my life. Even though time has elapsed and I have forgiven myself, the after effects are making an appearance.
Feeling it was necessary, I shared the story of my regret to one of the most important people in my life. I knew it would have an impact on their view of me, but never imagined to what extent. Once again, the world has spun madly on, and time has passed. Time in which, I thought that person I love, would have forgiven and forgot my shameful past. That's not the case, however. The memory visits them often and sometimes it's too much for them to even look or speak to me. Out of anger, they say hurtful things accidentally. Things that drag me back though the pain, tears, and regret of the experience. I know one should never base self value on someone elses opinion, but it's hard refrain. I valued this person's view of me. To know that view has now been shattered and dirtied....well, thats torture in and of itself.
This brings us back to the "what if..." question. What if things would have different when I was younger? What if I had the good head on my shoulders, that I like to think I have now? Would my relationship with this person I love be absolutely perfect....like it was in the beginning? I guess time will only tell. The thing is though, I'm not sure how much longer I can endure. I love and adore this person with all my heart, but their comments are taking their toll. How much longer should I stick it out, before I come to terms that they may never be able to overcome it? How much am I willing to take to salvage our relationship? I wish someone else would answer this question for me. It would be much easier that way.